


Regret and Remorse

by Jo (jmathieson)



Series: Tangents and Intersections ~ Kink Bingo 2013 [34]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Community: kink_bingo, Emotion Play, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-21
Updated: 2013-08-21
Packaged: 2017-12-24 05:30:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/935952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmathieson/pseuds/Jo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint apologises for hurting Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret and Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> Kink Bingo Round Six (2013) ~ Emotion Play

Clint gathered his courage, knocked on Phil's apartment door, and waited.

Sitting on the other side of the door, on his living room sofa, Phil Coulson heard the familiar 'rat-a-tat' of Clint's knock, and wondered what to do.

He'd been sitting on the sofa for an hour, ever since he'd bolted from the office in a panic. He'd come home, turned off the alarm, and stripped off his jacket and tie automatically, like he did almost every day. Then he sat on the sofa, and tried to think clearly.

It was difficult, because the image of Clint with his hand on that woman's hip kept swimming in front of his eyes in a red haze, making his head spin and his heart ache.

'I'm losing him,' Phil thought, despairing.

Phil had always known Clint was bisexual, and it had never bothered him. Clint had asked him once, if he minded hearing about ex-girlfriends, and he'd truthfully said 'no' because it honestly didn't. He didn't mind hearing about ex-anything. The key being 'ex'. 

When they had started going out, Phil had made it perfectly clear that he wanted an exclusive relationship. Maybe he was old-fashioned, but he wanted Clint all to himself, no sharing. At the time, Clint had agreed, but now it was obvious from his behaviour that Clint missed women. If he was a better, stronger person, maybe, Phil would be able to say to Clint, 'Go ahead, do what you want, with whoever you want, just as long as you come back to me.'

Phil was sitting on the sofa, his heart breaking, wishing he could live with that idea. With the options stacking up between sharing Clint with someone else and not having him at all, Phil wished he could do it, but he knew he couldn't. It just wasn't who he was. 

When he'd seen Anderson talking to (and touching!) Clint in the commissary, he'd wanted to punch her in the face. When he'd seen Clint with her at the range, he'd wanted to drag Clint away by the collar, tear his clothes off, and fuck him up against the nearest wall, yelling "Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Jealousy was a base emotion. Phil had seen it destroy friendships and careers and people. But he couldn't ignore it in himself. He knew if he tried to pretend he could handle it, if he told Clint it was OK for him to see other people, he himself would turn into a raging jealous monster. 

So because he couldn't share Clint, he was going to lose him, and that hurt more than he'd ever imagined it could. 

The 'rat-a-tat' came again, and this time Phil levered himself up off the sofa and went to the door.

"Hi, um... Can I come in? I'd... I'd like to talk to you."

Phil's stomach churned and his mouth was dry. He swallowed, trying to sound normal as he said,

"Yes, come in." Phil didn't bother with any pleasantries, he just turned and went into the living room and sat back down. Clint kicked off his shoes, the way he always did, and then followed, taking his place on the other end of the sofa.

Clint looked at the floor and tried to figure out what to say, where to start, 'I'm sorry' sounded so inadequate in his head. 

"I love you," said Phil, and Clint looked up, relieved. But the pain he saw in Phil's eyes made him want to hide. 

Phil took a deep breath.

"And if I was a different person, a better person, maybe, I could deal with this. I could... live with it. I wish I could, Clint. I really, really wish I could, because I love you and I want to be with you. But I can't. I'd just be fooling myself if I tried, and that would cause us both more pain later on down the road. I'm sorry." Phil's voice broke on the last word, and Clint could see tears in his eyes.

Phil was crying. He'd made Phil cry. Clint sat, stunned, trying to process what Phil had said. It sounded like... it sounded like...

"Phil, are you breaking up with me?"

Phil dragged in another breath, started to speak, stopped, cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they were still bright with tears and Clint could feel a lump forming in his own throat.

"I'm... I'm saying you can't have both of us, Clint. You have to choose. Between me and her," Phil said, the last syllable coming out painfully, his throat tight.

Clint stared at Phil. Phil thought he was actually interested in Anderson. How could Phil believe that Clint would leave him for a junior agent who couldn't even shoot straight? Just because he... just because he had encouraged her to touch him, and watched her wiggle her ass, and cuddled up to her at the range... all in an effort to make Phil jealous... Of all the stupid ideas Clint had ever had...

Clint slid off the sofa to kneel in front of Phil.

"You Phil. I choose you. Always you. Only you. I swear. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you Phil."

"Are you sure? Clint, I need you to be sure because I can't go through this again."

"I'm not interested in her, Phil. I never was. I... It was stupid. I was stupid. I made a stupid mistake. I'm sorry. Phil, please. Remember...remember when we started going out, and I told you I was going to screw up, I was going to make mistakes, and you promised..." Clint dragged in a breath, and then swallowed, closer to crying than he had been since he was eight years old. "You promised you'd give me a chance to fix it when I screwed up, Phil. Please. I love you and I want to be with you more than anything in the world. Please give me a chance to fix this."

Phil reached for Clint, sliding off the couch to his knees as he wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Clint's shoulder. Clint felt the wetness of Phil's tears seeping into his shirt and he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"I love you Phil. I'm so sorry. I fucked up. It won't happen again, ever again. I promise. I love you."

"I thought I was losing you," whispered Phil.

"Never. Never Phil. I love you so much."

Phil lifted his head to look at Clint with tear-stained eyes. 

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks always to my excellent editors t! and Shazrolane.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at: [Queen of Wands](http://jmathieson-fic.tumblr.com/)


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